The Experience: Our Eyes Will Adjust

'O 812, what on earth was I going to do.’   That was literally my looming question from Sept-November 2020.  Surrender and acceptance are practices and as you can see, the ease comes and goes in waves. CA 812 was our seminar course, and thank goodness we had a great instructor Peter Dickinson (also graduate chair…also finally became a supervisor on my committee).  He gave us readings from writers such as Ashon Crawley and Lee Maracle touching on topics on body, technology, race and non-typical ways of perceiving the world around us.  The readings challenged the social acceptance of the academic system and gave me a language I could relate to and understand.  We were able to present our articles of choice in any shape or form, so I shared an interview and an experimental video with the cohort featuring Tina, (you can check it out here). Peter’s way of teaching made me more curious and also gave me a way to see my self-responsibility as a practicing artist.

In this class we were supposed to write our paper in support of our thesis project, which was super interesting given that I had no insight on what I was going to make.  November came along and I hit a wall.  I was researching natural light, simulated lights, projection, reflection, refraction, shadow, prisms, lenses, crystals, dichromatics…I was running far and wide and still…nothing…I had to present my project proposal in 4 weeks and ‘O 812, what on earth was I going to do?’  I called my dear friend Elisa and in a deep rather serious tone, I said, “What kind of artist am I, when I have nothing to make?” she replied, “make about that, make about the ambiguity, make about the space in between…”  That same week both my beloved mentor Marsha and Granny said the same thing on separate occasions, “Trust the universe, trust yourself and trust that it will come when it’s time.” A part of me surrendered to this reminder, but another part of me, was like “yes, and…but…you know…”Anyways, I let the go of the desire and just accepted my fate, and just as when Bella released her desire to connect with Nat, letting go of the desire to ‘figure things out’ freed the resistance that was blocking the vision.  That same night, it happened, I had my first dream of OEWA.  I saw the final scene, and that was enough to get me started. 

I spoke with Marsha and told her about the dream and asked if she’d be open to sending me Momo (a paper kimono she designed for one of our previous projects). 

The most powerful gift and gifted power is to trust in your Self which is not separate in trusting the Universe, or Source, or God (whatever you need to call it).  Trust is different from knowing, I find the more I come to the origin of not knowing the less I interfere with life as life moves on and doesn’t get stuffed by my apparent knowing.  Life becomes more spontaneous, more fresh, more miraculous because it is a delusion to think I can control life.  I accept this may be an unpopular thought, but perhaps if we open our minds to not knowing, we can find a balance between not knowing and escaping into the illusion certainty.  

Every now and then, the soundtrack from the musical ‘Rent’ is my  my drama-release-shout-a-loud, sing-a-long, go to.  One of my favorite lines are from the song, Light My Candle, 

“Our eyes 'll adjust, thank God for the moon

Maybe it's not the moon at all
I hear Spike Lee's shooting down the street

I knew the title of this work before I knew what I was making, and as an affirmation in that first dream the line “our eyes’ll adjust, thank God for the moon” would repeat and fade into “our eyes will adjust” and hence the title of this work. 

**Coming Up Next: Momo’s to Fufu’s